ویلیام والاس: اگه بجنگین ممکنه بمیرین، فرار کنین زنده میمونین،دست کم مدتی... ولی چند وقت بعد توی رخت خوابتون می میرید. کدومو انتخاب میکنین؟! حاضرین همه ی روزا رو از امروز تا لحظه ی مرگ افسوس بخورین که چرا اینجا نموندین 

و این جمله رو نگفتین «که میتونن جان ما رو بگیرن، ولی آزادی ما رو هرگز...»

Braveheart

اندی: میدونی مکزیکی‌ها در مورد اقیانوس آرام چی میگن؟
رِد: نـه.
انـدی: میگن هیچ گذشته‌ای نداره. این دقیقن همون جایـیه که من مـیخوام زندگی کنم. یه جای گرم بدون هـیچ خاطره ای!

The Shawshank Redemption

پدر ژپتو: پـیـنـوکـیـو چـوبـی بـمـان,آدمـا سـنـگـی اند، دنـیـایـشـان قـشـنـگ نـیـسـت..!!

Pinocchio

روز را خورشید میسازد و روزگار را ما، ما را قلب زنده نگه میدارد و قلب را عشق، پس روزگارت را عاشقانه بساز...

در هیاهوی زندگی دریافتم چه دویدن هاییکه فقط پاهایم را ازمن گرفت در حالیکه گویی ایستاده بودم چه غصه هاییکه فقط باعث سپیدی مويم شد در حالیکه قصه ای کودکانه بیش نبود
دریافتم کسی هست که اگر بخواهد میشود و اگر نه نمیشود. کاش نه میدویدم و نه غصه میخوردم. فقط او را میخواندم.

Lessons In Life

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in

the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise. 

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest, and don't judge life by one difficult season.........

شعر:خوش به حالِ غنچه های نیمه باز(فریدون مشیری)

خوش به حالِ غنچه های نیمه باز

بوی باران، بوی سبزه، بوی خاک،

شاخه های شسته، باران خورده، پاک 

آسمان آبی و ابر سپید ،

برگ های سبز بید،

عطر نرگس، رقص باد،

نغمه ی شوق پرستو های شاد،

خلوت گرم کبوترهای مست...

نرم نرمک می رسد اینک بهار،

خوش به حال روزگار !

خوش به حال چشمه ها و دشت ها،

خوش به حال دانه ها و سبزه ها،

خوش به حال غنچه های نیمه باز،

خوش به حال دختر میخک - که می خندد به ناز-

خوش به حال جام لبریز از شراب،

خوش به حال آفتاب.

اي دل من ، گرچه - در اين روزگار -

جامه ی رنگین نمی پوشی به کام،

باده ی رنگین نمی نوشی ز جام ،

نُقل و سبزه در میان سفره نیست،

جامت - از آن می که می باید – تهی است؛

ای دریغ از تو اگر چون گل نرقصی با نسیم !

ای دریغ از من اگر مستم نسازد آفتاب !

ای دریغ از ما اگر کامی نگیریم از بهار.

گر نکوبی شیشه ی غم را به سنگ؛

هفت رنگش می شود هفتاد رنگ!

Abusive families and character formation:

Family research studies confirm that abusive parents tend to be

 undifferentiated partners who competewith each other and with their children 

for attention and nurturance. More or less healthy parents make demands on 

children to counteract their own injured narcissism, but they do so largely 

without devaluation and the sadistic use of projective identification. Under 

sufficient stress abusive parents attack the child who fails to gratify their 

needs, thereby giving vent to longstanding frustrations and feelings of being 

threatened by the child's individuation and competency. The emotional 

atmosphere in such families facilitates ego deficits like those of the borderline 

personality as it molds the child's efforts to avoid anxiety. Devaluation, loss, 

and defenses against mourning partially account for depression and paranoid 

traits in abused youngsters. Early neglect and abuse exposes them to 

influential models who act out rage and primitive defenses. Some abused 

individuals project their rage and later become paranoid or antisocial, whereas 

others fragment or retain infantile defenses. The destructiveness of severe 

psychological abuse lies in the constriction of the experiencing self and 

healthy character development, together with the conditioning to repeat 

abusive relationships and to avoid intimacy. Achieving individuation under 

these circumstances entails overcoming the internalized abusive relationships 

and relinquishing the unconscious wish to be transformed from the abused 

into the abuser.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2221200

Co-Dependency

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

Signs of codependency

• feelings responsible for other people’s problems
• feeling guilty when your help isn’t effective
• Low self esteem
• trying to control people
• being very sensitive to criticism
• suppressing your emotions instead of confronting your partner with them
• tendency to look for those who need help
• having intense fear of rejection
• having intense fear of abandonment
• feeling insecure
• having a sense of inadequacy

Let me explain more:

1. I get feelings of self worth if I feel liked by others, so I spend a lot of time doing things I think will make me “liked.”
2. I am a “people pleaser.” I give people what I think they want, and tell people what think they want to hear. I often do this without knowing it at the time, and don’t realize it until later, when I find myself uncomfortable or unsatisfied with the situation.
3. I value other people’s opinions more than my own.
4. I usually put everyone else’s needs above my own. I do not value my needs as much as I value others’.
5. It feels selfish to put my own needs first.
6. I have a hard time engaging in self-care behaviors; I tend to feel guilty if I do something for myself, or if someone else does something for me. I would rather focus my caring attentions on someone else.
7. I usually deny, downplay, justify, or ignore my own feelings, and focus on others’.
8. I eventually resent when others do not do for me, even though I have difficulty asking for what I want.
9. I feel extremely uncomfortable about feeling vulnerable.
10. I have a difficult time saying “no” or setting healthy boundaries with people.
11. I feel most happy when I am giving in a relationship. I do not feel comfortable being on the receiving end.
12. I feel very uncomfortable asking for help. I am much more comfortable being the one in the “helper” role.
13. I avoid other people’s anger at all costs.
14. I avoid conflict whenever possible.
15. I avoid most of my own feelings whenever possible by focusing on other people’s.
16.   One or more of my parents or significant relatives was/is an alcoholic or an addict.
17. I feel best about myself when I have helped solve other people’s problems. It is very important for me to feel like I am nurturing someone.
18. I feel most comfortable when I am in control of situations, people, and things. Some ways this may show up in my life: giving advice, telling others what to do, how to live, what to wear, what is wrong with their behavior, and/or how they can fix themselves or their problems.
19. I spend a lot of time worrying or obsessing about how a situation is going to play out before it happens, in order to try and plan for every contingency. This becomes very tiring after a while.
20. Often worrying gets in the way of my life, which causes me to have at least one of the following: sleep problems, lack of energy level, unhealthy eating habits, stress related anxiety.
21.  When I am in a significant relationship, I usually end up setting aside my own interests and allow my partner’s interests to become mine. OR, my partner tends to do this.
22. I choose relationships based on “need.” I really like to be needed, and am attracted to needy people, or people whom I can help.
23. I feel an emptiness, or loneliness when I am not in a romantic relationship. I tend to be a “serial monogamist,” moving from one romantic relationship to another without much time in between.
24. I have always believed that there is one special person out there who will fulfill every romantic, psychological and spiritual need of mine. I live my life in search of “the one.”
25. I love the feeling of being “in love,” and after a relationship develops past this stage, I lose interest or experience a feeling of dissatisfaction.
26. I allow my social circle to decrease or completely disappear when I become involved with a romantic partner. I do this because I experience that all of my needs are being met by my partner.
27. I am afraid of being rejected, and avoid it at all costs. This often shows up as avoiding risk-taking, so as not to be hurt.
28. I tend to emotionally withdraw when I feel rejected or feel afraid of the risk of rejection.
29. I am uncomfortable when things are calm. I am often waiting for the “other shoe to fall,” both fearing and/or expecting a crisis or drama in order to feel like things are somehow “normal” again.
30. I am often like a chameleon, changing my values to match the values of the person I am with. My true values tend to get put aside so that I can feel a connection with a partner, or I may not even be aware of what my values are. OR, my partners tend to do this.
31. I am like an emotion-sponge. I absorb whatever emotions are going on around me. This makes it hard for me to be around uncomfortable situations without me feeling like I “take on” the feelings of people around me.
32. I am unable to self-regulate when there is chaos or confusion around me. I feel out of control.
33. I am a perfectionist, and nothing is ever good enough for me, especially myself. OR, the partners I get involved with tend to be so.
34. I feel responsible when other people are in pain or suffering. I feel like I have to DO something to force a solution or an outcome.

Love Me, that I may love thee. If thou lovest Me

 not, My love can in no wise reach thee. Know 

this, O servant.

The Hidden Words of Bahá'u'lláh

آن کس که میگوید:

دوستت دارد ،دل اندوهگین شبی است که مهتابش را میجوید؛

                                                          کاش عشق را زبان سخن بود..

                                                                                                                    احمد شاملو..

زمستان را هیچوقت تحقیر نکن چون بهار هر چه که دارد از زمستان است.  

به یاد داشته باش :

من نبايد چيزى باشم که تو مي‌خواهى، من را خودم از خودم ساخته‌ام.

منى که من از خود ساخته‌ام، آمال من است.

تويى که تو از من مي‌سازى آرزوهايت و يا کمبودهايت هستند.

لياقت انسان‌ها کيفيت زندگى را تعيين مي‌کند، نه آرزوهايشان.

و من متعهد نيستم که چيزى باشم که تو مي‌خواهى.

و تو هم مي‌توانى انتخاب کنى که من را مي‌خواهى يا نه.

ولى نمي‌توانى انتخاب کنى که از من چه مي‌خواهى.

مي‌توانى دوستم داشته باشى، همين گونه که هستم و من هم.

مي‌توانى از من متنفر باشى بى‌هيچ دليلى و من هم.

ماهاتما گاندی

اى بندگان ! از خواهشهاى خود بگذريد و آنچه

من خواسته ام آن را بخواهيد . راه بى راهنما نرويد

و گفتار هر راه نما را نپذيريد . بسيارى از راهنمايان

گمراهانند و راه راست را نيافته اند . راهنما کسى است

که از بند روزگار آزاد است و هيچ چيز او را از

گفتار راست باز ندارد .

DARYAY-I-DANISH

Everyone sees what you appear to be. Few really know what you are

همه می بینند چگونه می نمایی، کم هستند 

که بدانند چگونه ای

Niccolo Machiavelli

This is the day when the gems of constancy that lie hid in the

 mine of men's inner selves should be made manifest. O people of 

Justice! Be as brilliant as the light and as splendid as the fire that 

blazed in the Burning Bush. The brightness of the fire of your 

love will no doubt fuse and unify the contending peoples and 

kindreds of the earth, whilst the fierceness of the flame of enmity 

and hatred cannot but result in strife and ruin. We beseech God 

that He may shield His creatures from the evil designs of His 

enemies. He verily hath power over all things.

LAWH-I-DUNYÁ (Tablets of Bahá'u'lláh)

اي بندگان! تن بي روان مرده است و دل بي ياد يزدان، پژمرده. پس بياد دوست بياميزيد و از دشمن بپرهيزيد. دشمن شما چيزهاي شما است که بخواهش خود آن را يافته ايد و نگاه داشته ايد و جان را بآن آلوده ايد. جان براي ياد جانان است آن را پاکيزه داريد، زبان براي گواهي يزدان است آن را بياد گمراهان ميالائيد. حضرت بهاءالله

The wind sings of our nostalgia

and the starry sky ignores our dreams. 

Each snow flakeis a tear that fails to trickle

Silence is full of the unspoken,

of deeds not performed, 

of confessions to secret love, 

and of wonders not expressed. 

Our truth is hidden in our silence, 

Yours and mine.” 

Margot Bickel 

The Narcissist character  

Certain characteristics appear with stunning regularity among narcissists.

Since narcissism is on a continuum, some will have more than others.

THESE APPLY TO MALES AND FEMALES.
1. Self-centered. His needs are paramount.

2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.

3. Unreliable, undependable.

4. Does not care about the consequences of his actions.

5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never his fault.

6. Little if any conscience.

7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.

8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.

9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.
10. People are to be manipulated for his needs.

11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense.  If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.

12. Pathological lying.

13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.

14. No real values. Mostly situational.

15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.

16. Angry, mercurial, moods.

17. Uses sex to control

18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.

19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.

20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.

21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities.

22. Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason.

23. Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.

24. Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations.

25. Seldom expresses appreciation.

26. Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he does.

27. Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others.  Defensive when confronted with his behavior.  Never his fault.

28. Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow.

29. He breaks woman’s spirits to keep them dependent.

30. Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.

31. Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances.

32. Highly contradictory.

33. Convincing.  Must convince people to side with him.

34. Hides his real self.  Always “on”

35. Kind only if he’s getting from you what he wants.

36. He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good.

37. He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks.

38. Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.

39. Controls money of others but spends freely on himself.

40. Unilateral condition of, “I’m OK and justified so I don’t need to hear your position or ideas”

41. Always feels misunderstood.

42. You feel miserable with this person. He drains you.

43. Does not listen because he does not care.

44. His feelings are discussed, not the partners.

45. Is not interested in problem-solving.

46. Very good at reading people, so he can manipulate them.  Sometimes called gaslighting.

Narcissists tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered and self-focused, dishonest, irresponsible, disloyal, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience. These men live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath their fake exterior is an empty fraud who seemingly is lacking a human soul. 
http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/characteristics-of-the-narcissist/ 

Truth is Truth is, you didn't exist to the narcissist. He is so totally and completely self-centered to the point of being the only person in his life - ever. You simply were a temporary ego-boost. A narcissist supplier (an enforcer and validator of his self-love). His mirror.

You were taken in by his phony charm simply because you trusted men. And now you are left with doubts, insecurities, questions, and extreme hurt that one you cared for could so easily 'dismiss you' and then walk away completely unmoved and untouched by the experience.

You want him to hurt, too. To show sorrow. To feel remorse.

So that you can feel important again. Like you mattered.

But you didn't. And it has nothing to do with you. He simply is unable to care for anyone other than himself, no matter whom they are. And deep inside you know that you have just wasted years of your life on someone who is an empty fraud. It's like you imagined everything; nothing was real. He was a masterful actor when he was getting his ego fed; but now that he is not getting his narcissistic supply from you anymore he simply - and completely - has totally erased you from his life. It is important to remember that narcissists are 'plotters' and he has been plotting the destruction of the relationship since the very first moment his charming, but fake persona met you.

"Abuse is an integral, inseparable part of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The narcissist idealizes and then DEVALUES and discards the object of his initial idealization. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse.ALL narcissists idealize and then devalue. This is THE core of pathological narcissism. The narcissist exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores (the "silent treatment"), manipulates, controls. All these are forms of abuse. " ~ by Sam Vaknin, Ph.D. 

http://survivinganarcissist.com/foreword.html 

بگو اى داراى چشم ! گذشته 

آينه آينده است ،

ببينيد و آگاه شويد ، شايد 

پس از آگاهى دوست را

بشناسيد و نرنجانيد .

 حضرت بهاءالله 

How often you have your life net

hopeful ejected

a helping hand

a loving word

a tender gesture

a patient ear

to receive

How often you have your life net

empty again caught up -

do not become tired

separate the net repair

eject and again

it is because of that does not welfare-end Verwundungen

that some

to you one gives

escapes you

before you can recognize it

You and me

I wish eyes

those the lights and signals

in our darknesses recognize

Ears

those the calls and realizations

in our Betäµ¢ungen

hear

you and me

a soul

those all that

to itself takes up and assumes

and a language

in their honesty

us from our muteness

leads out

us to express leaves

which keeps us imprisoned

By Margot Bickel

 O YE PEOPLE THAT HAVE MINDS TO KNOW AND EARS TO HEAR!

The first call of the Beloved is this: O mystic nightingale! Abide not but in the rose-garden of the spirit. O messenger of the Solomon of love! Seek thou no shelter except in the Sheba of the well-beloved, and O immortal phoenix! dwell not save on the mount of faithfulness. Therein is thy habitation, if on the wings of thy soul thou soarest to the realm of the infinite and seekest to attain thy goal.

The Hidden Words of Bahá'u'lláh

Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity. Be worthy of the trust of thy neighbor, and look upon him with a bright and friendly face. Be a treasure to the poor, an admonisher to the rich, an answerer of the cry of the needy, a preserver of the sanctity of thy pledge. Be fair in thy judgment, and guarded in thy speech. Be unjust to no man, and show all meekness to all men. Be as a lamp unto them that walk in darkness, a joy to the sorrowful, a sea for the thirsty, a haven for the distressed, an upholder and defender of the victim of oppression. Let integrity and uprightness distinguish all thine acts. Be a home for the stranger, a balm to the suffering, a tower of strength for the fugitive. Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring. Be an ornament to the countenance of truth, a crown to the brow of fidelity, a pillar of the temple of righteousness, a breath of life to the body of mankind, an ensign of the hosts of justice, a luminary above the horizon of virtue, a dew to the soil of the human heart, an ark on the ocean of knowledge, a sun in the heaven of bounty, a gem on the diadem of wisdom, a shining light in the firmament of thy generation, a fruit upon the tree of humility.

 Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá'u'lláh p. 285. 

6
Types
 of Abuse  

Below are some quick definitions of the 6 types of dating abuse:

1.Physical abuse

Standing over you, getting “in your face,” blocking a doorway, grabbing you if you try to leave, 

kicking, punching, biting, slapping, choking, 

threatening to harm you, using weapons, throwing things, breaking things, punching walls or 

doors, driving recklessly, burning, cutting, pulling 

hair, stabbing, strangling, tying or confining you, 

preventing you from seeking medical care.

2.Mental abuse:

Playing mind games with you, twisting everything around- nothing is their fault and all of their 

behavior was caused by something you did or 

didn’t do, accusing you of doing things that they 

are doing, lying, manipulating you for control or 

sex, claiming that you are always wrong, distorting reality so you think you are losing your mind

3.Sexual abuse:

Rape, unwanted sexual touching, vulgar comments, pressure for sex, forcing you to use or 
not use birth control, forcing you to get pregnant 
or to have an abortion, forcing you to have sex 
with other people or to watch your partner have 
sex with someone else, forcing you to use or 
participate in pornography.

4.Economic abuse:

Withholding money, opening up a joint account 

but you don’t have access, forcing you to leave 

your job, shaming you for how you spend your 

money, not allowing you to work or get an education, putting all the bills/credit cards in your 

name, preventing you from using a car.

5.Emotional Abuse:

Insults, put downs, intimidating you, embarrassing you in public, talking down to you, not 
listening to your point of view, not respecting 
your feelings, making threats to hurt people, 
pets, or belongings that you love, being jealous 
or possessive, wanting to control you, excessive texting, threatening texts, wanting access to 
your phone messages or email, spying on you or 
checking up on you through friends, accusations 
of cheating, making you feel like you need to 
justify yourself, giving you no privacy

6.Verbal abuse:

Yelling, shouting, swearing, continuously arguing, interrupting, talking over you, put downs, 

using loud and threatening language and tone 

to cause fear, name calling, intimidating you, 

mocking you, abusive language.

Warning Signs of Emotional Abuse:

1. Constant phone calls, text-messages, e-mails, IMs, etc. to check up on you (harrassment)Extreme jealousy when you talk to or spend time with other people
2. Name-calling or putting you down, either when you're alone or with other people.
3. Behavior that you have to apologize or make excuses for.
4. Statements like, "I can't live without you. If you leave me, I'll kill myself.
5. You feel depressed, anxious, and unhappy in your relationship.
6. You're scared to upset or make your partner angry.
7. You've seen your partner hurt or talk down to other people.
8. You're down on yourself, or even hate yourself, especially when you're together.
9. You lie about the bruises or cuts you have.
10. You don't spend as much time with your friends, and you feel isolated.

The 14 characteristics common to abused women are:

• Abused women have to guess at what normal behaviour is.

• Abused women have difficulty maintaining their focus and drive.

• Abused women are often paralysed by their own negativity so that they find it hard to start something new and an uphill struggle to see thr
• Abused women judge themselves without mercy.
• Abused women feel they always have to justify themselves.
• Abused women have difficulty being light-hearted.
• Abused women have difficulty trusting.
• Abused women take everything very seriously.
• Abused women overreact and catastrophize even over small problems.
• Abused women faithfully record every last criticism they experience and they discount the praise.
• Abused women need approval and affirmation and tend to look for it in all the wrong places.
• Abused women usually feel that they are different to other people as a result of their relationship.
• Abused women are extremely loyal, even despite the evidence that their loyalty is undeserved.
• Abused women envisage a future that will be just as hard as the present.