Everyone sees what you appear to be. Few really know what you are
همه می بینند چگونه می نمایی، کم هستند
که بدانند چگونه ای
Niccolo Machiavelli
Monday, July 30, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
This is the day when the gems of constancy that lie hid in the
mine of men's inner selves should be made manifest. O people of
Justice! Be as brilliant as the light and as splendid as the fire that
blazed in the Burning Bush. The brightness of the fire of your
love will no doubt fuse and unify the contending peoples and
kindreds of the earth, whilst the fierceness of the flame of enmity
and hatred cannot but result in strife and ruin. We beseech God
that He may shield His creatures from the evil designs of His
enemies. He verily hath power over all things.
LAWH-I-DUNYÁ (Tablets of Bahá'u'lláh)
اي بندگان! تن بي روان مرده است و دل بي ياد يزدان، پژمرده. پس بياد دوست بياميزيد و از دشمن بپرهيزيد. دشمن شما چيزهاي شما است که بخواهش خود آن را يافته ايد و نگاه داشته ايد و جان را بآن آلوده ايد. جان براي ياد جانان است آن را پاکيزه داريد، زبان براي گواهي يزدان است آن را بياد گمراهان ميالائيد. حضرت بهاءالله
and the starry sky ignores our dreams.
Each snow flakeis a tear that fails to trickle
Silence is full of the unspoken,
of deeds not performed,
of confessions to secret love,
and of wonders not expressed.
Our truth is hidden in our silence,
Yours and mine.”
Margot Bickel
The Narcissist character
Certain characteristics appear with stunning regularity among narcissists.
Since narcissism is on a continuum, some will have more than others.
THESE APPLY TO MALES AND FEMALES.
1. Self-centered. His needs are paramount.
2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.
3. Unreliable, undependable.
4. Does not care about the consequences of his actions.
5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never his fault.
6. Little if any conscience.
7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.
8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.
9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.
10. People are to be manipulated for his needs.
11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.
12. Pathological lying.
13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.
14. No real values. Mostly situational.
15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.
16. Angry, mercurial, moods.
17. Uses sex to control
18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.
19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.
20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.
21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities.
22. Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason.
23. Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.
24. Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations.
25. Seldom expresses appreciation.
26. Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he does.
27. Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others. Defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his fault.
28. Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow.
29. He breaks woman’s spirits to keep them dependent.
30. Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.
31. Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances.
32. Highly contradictory.
33. Convincing. Must convince people to side with him.
34. Hides his real self. Always “on”
35. Kind only if he’s getting from you what he wants.
36. He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good.
37. He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks.
38. Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.
39. Controls money of others but spends freely on himself.
40. Unilateral condition of, “I’m OK and justified so I don’t need to hear your position or ideas”
41. Always feels misunderstood.
42. You feel miserable with this person. He drains you.
43. Does not listen because he does not care.
44. His feelings are discussed, not the partners.
45. Is not interested in problem-solving.
46. Very good at reading people, so he can manipulate them. Sometimes called gaslighting.
Narcissists tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered and self-focused, dishonest, irresponsible, disloyal, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience. These men live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath their fake exterior is an empty fraud who seemingly is lacking a human soul.
http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/characteristics-of-the-narcissist/
4. Does not care about the consequences of his actions.
5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never his fault.
6. Little if any conscience.
7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.
8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.
9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.
10. People are to be manipulated for his needs.
11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.
12. Pathological lying.
13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.
14. No real values. Mostly situational.
15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.
16. Angry, mercurial, moods.
17. Uses sex to control
18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.
19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.
20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.
21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities.
22. Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason.
23. Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.
24. Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations.
25. Seldom expresses appreciation.
26. Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he does.
27. Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others. Defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his fault.
28. Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow.
29. He breaks woman’s spirits to keep them dependent.
30. Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.
31. Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances.
32. Highly contradictory.
33. Convincing. Must convince people to side with him.
34. Hides his real self. Always “on”
35. Kind only if he’s getting from you what he wants.
36. He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good.
37. He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks.
38. Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.
39. Controls money of others but spends freely on himself.
40. Unilateral condition of, “I’m OK and justified so I don’t need to hear your position or ideas”
41. Always feels misunderstood.
42. You feel miserable with this person. He drains you.
43. Does not listen because he does not care.
44. His feelings are discussed, not the partners.
45. Is not interested in problem-solving.
46. Very good at reading people, so he can manipulate them. Sometimes called gaslighting.
Narcissists tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered and self-focused, dishonest, irresponsible, disloyal, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience. These men live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath their fake exterior is an empty fraud who seemingly is lacking a human soul.
http://www.narcissisticabuse.com/characteristics-of-the-narcissist/
Truth is Truth is, you didn't exist to the narcissist. He is so totally and completely self-centered to the point of being the only person in his life - ever. You simply were a temporary ego-boost. A narcissist supplier (an enforcer and validator of his self-love). His mirror.
You were taken in by his phony charm simply because you trusted men. And now you are left with doubts, insecurities, questions, and extreme hurt that one you cared for could so easily 'dismiss you' and then walk away completely unmoved and untouched by the experience.
You want him to hurt, too. To show sorrow. To feel remorse.
So that you can feel important again. Like you mattered.
But you didn't. And it has nothing to do with you. He simply is unable to care for anyone other than himself, no matter whom they are. And deep inside you know that you have just wasted years of your life on someone who is an empty fraud. It's like you imagined everything; nothing was real. He was a masterful actor when he was getting his ego fed; but now that he is not getting his narcissistic supply from you anymore he simply - and completely - has totally erased you from his life. It is important to remember that narcissists are 'plotters' and he has been plotting the destruction of the relationship since the very first moment his charming, but fake persona met you.
"Abuse is an integral, inseparable part of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The narcissist idealizes and then DEVALUES and discards the object of his initial idealization. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse.ALL narcissists idealize and then devalue. This is THE core of pathological narcissism. The narcissist exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores (the "silent treatment"), manipulates, controls. All these are forms of abuse. " ~ by Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.
بگو اى داراى چشم ! گذشته
آينه آينده است ،
ببينيد و آگاه شويد ، شايد
پس از آگاهى دوست را
بشناسيد و نرنجانيد .
حضرت بهاءالله
How often you have your life net
hopeful ejected
a helping hand
a loving word
a tender gesture
a patient ear
to receive
How often you have your life net
empty again caught up -
do not become tired
separate the net repair
eject and again
it is because of that does not welfare-end Verwundungen
that some
to you one gives
escapes you
before you can recognize it
hopeful ejected
a helping hand
a loving word
a tender gesture
a patient ear
to receive
How often you have your life net
empty again caught up -
do not become tired
separate the net repair
eject and again
it is because of that does not welfare-end Verwundungen
that some
to you one gives
escapes you
before you can recognize it
You and me
I wish eyes
I wish eyes
those the lights and signals
in our darknesses recognize
Ears
those the calls and realizations
in our Betäµ¢ungen
hear
in our darknesses recognize
Ears
those the calls and realizations
in our Betäµ¢ungen
hear
you and me
a soul
those all that
to itself takes up and assumes
and a language
in their honesty
us from our muteness
leads out
us to express leaves
which keeps us imprisoned
a soul
those all that
to itself takes up and assumes
and a language
in their honesty
us from our muteness
leads out
us to express leaves
which keeps us imprisoned
By Margot Bickel
The first call of the Beloved is this: O mystic nightingale! Abide not but in the rose-garden of the spirit. O messenger of the Solomon of love! Seek thou no shelter except in the Sheba of the well-beloved, and O immortal phoenix! dwell not save on the mount of faithfulness. Therein is thy habitation, if on the wings of thy soul thou soarest to the realm of the infinite and seekest to attain thy goal.
The Hidden Words of Bahá'u'lláh
Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity. Be worthy of the trust of thy neighbor, and look upon him with a bright and friendly face. Be a treasure to the poor, an admonisher to the rich, an answerer of the cry of the needy, a preserver of the sanctity of thy pledge. Be fair in thy judgment, and guarded in thy speech. Be unjust to no man, and show all meekness to all men. Be as a lamp unto them that walk in darkness, a joy to the sorrowful, a sea for the thirsty, a haven for the distressed, an upholder and defender of the victim of oppression. Let integrity and uprightness distinguish all thine acts. Be a home for the stranger, a balm to the suffering, a tower of strength for the fugitive. Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring. Be an ornament to the countenance of truth, a crown to the brow of fidelity, a pillar of the temple of righteousness, a breath of life to the body of mankind, an ensign of the hosts of justice, a luminary above the horizon of virtue, a dew to the soil of the human heart, an ark on the ocean of knowledge, a sun in the heaven of bounty, a gem on the diadem of wisdom, a shining light in the firmament of thy generation, a fruit upon the tree of humility.
6
Types
of Abuse
Below are some quick definitions of the 6 types of dating abuse:
1.Physical abuse
Standing over you, getting “in your face,” blocking a doorway, grabbing you if you try to leave,
kicking, punching, biting, slapping, choking,
threatening to harm you, using weapons, throwing things, breaking things, punching walls or
doors, driving recklessly, burning, cutting, pulling
hair, stabbing, strangling, tying or confining you,
preventing you from seeking medical care.
2.Mental abuse:
Playing mind games with you, twisting everything around- nothing is their fault and all of their
behavior was caused by something you did or
didn’t do, accusing you of doing things that they
are doing, lying, manipulating you for control or
sex, claiming that you are always wrong, distorting reality so you think you are losing your mind
Types
of Abuse
1.Physical abuse
Standing over you, getting “in your face,” blocking a doorway, grabbing you if you try to leave,
kicking, punching, biting, slapping, choking,
threatening to harm you, using weapons, throwing things, breaking things, punching walls or
doors, driving recklessly, burning, cutting, pulling
hair, stabbing, strangling, tying or confining you,
preventing you from seeking medical care.
2.Mental abuse:
Playing mind games with you, twisting everything around- nothing is their fault and all of their
behavior was caused by something you did or
didn’t do, accusing you of doing things that they
are doing, lying, manipulating you for control or
sex, claiming that you are always wrong, distorting reality so you think you are losing your mind
3.Sexual abuse:Rape, unwanted sexual touching, vulgar comments, pressure for sex, forcing you to use or
not use birth control, forcing you to get pregnant
or to have an abortion, forcing you to have sex
with other people or to watch your partner have
sex with someone else, forcing you to use or
participate in pornography.
4.Economic abuse:
Withholding money, opening up a joint account
but you don’t have access, forcing you to leave
your job, shaming you for how you spend your
money, not allowing you to work or get an education, putting all the bills/credit cards in your
name, preventing you from using a car.
5.Emotional Abuse:Insults, put downs, intimidating you, embarrassing you in public, talking down to you, not
listening to your point of view, not respecting
your feelings, making threats to hurt people,
pets, or belongings that you love, being jealous
or possessive, wanting to control you, excessive texting, threatening texts, wanting access to
your phone messages or email, spying on you or
checking up on you through friends, accusations
of cheating, making you feel like you need to
justify yourself, giving you no privacy
6.Verbal abuse:
Yelling, shouting, swearing, continuously arguing, interrupting, talking over you, put downs,
using loud and threatening language and tone
to cause fear, name calling, intimidating you,
mocking you, abusive language.
Warning Signs of Emotional Abuse:
- Constant phone calls, text-messages, e-mails, IMs, etc. to check up on you (harrassment)Extreme jealousy when you talk to or spend time with other people
- Name-calling or putting you down, either when you're alone or with other people.
- Behavior that you have to apologize or make excuses for.
- Statements like, "I can't live without you. If you leave me, I'll kill myself.
- You feel depressed, anxious, and unhappy in your relationship.
- You're scared to upset or make your partner angry.
- You've seen your partner hurt or talk down to other people.
- You're down on yourself, or even hate yourself, especially when you're together.
- You lie about the bruises or cuts you have.
- You don't spend as much time with your friends, and you feel isolated.
The 14 characteristics common to abused women are:
- Abused women have to guess at what normal behaviour is.
- Abused women have difficulty maintaining their focus and drive.
- Abused women are often paralysed by their own negativity so that they find it hard to start something new and an uphill struggle to see thr
- Abused women judge themselves without mercy.
- Abused women feel they always have to justify themselves.
- Abused women have difficulty being light-hearted.
- Abused women have difficulty trusting.
- Abused women take everything very seriously.
- Abused women overreact and catastrophize even over small problems.
- Abused women faithfully record every last criticism they experience and they discount the praise.
- Abused women need approval and affirmation and tend to look for it in all the wrong places.
- Abused women usually feel that they are different to other people as a result of their relationship.
- Abused women are extremely loyal, even despite the evidence that their loyalty is undeserved.
- Abused women envisage a future that will be just as hard as the present.
The 14 characteristics common to abused women are:
- Abused women have to guess at what normal behaviour is.
- Abused women have difficulty maintaining their focus and drive.
- Abused women are often paralysed by their own negativity so that they find it hard to start something new and an uphill struggle to see thr
- Abused women judge themselves without mercy.
- Abused women feel they always have to justify themselves.
- Abused women have difficulty being light-hearted.
- Abused women have difficulty trusting.
- Abused women take everything very seriously.
- Abused women overreact and catastrophize even over small problems.
- Abused women faithfully record every last criticism they experience and they discount the praise.
- Abused women need approval and affirmation and tend to look for it in all the wrong places.
- Abused women usually feel that they are different to other people as a result of their relationship.
- Abused women are extremely loyal, even despite the evidence that their loyalty is undeserved.
- Abused women envisage a future that will be just as hard as the present.
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